Simon Halford Counselling and Psychosexual Therapy
Portsmouth & Southampton / Central London

Communication Issues

Definition

Many sexual or relationship problems have their root in poor communication between partners.

Couples can go a whole lifetime with one person feeling in a state of rejection and the other misunderstood. For example, they fail to give accurate feedback on how they like to be touched.

Causes resulting in communication problems

There are a number of types of behaviour which can result in a breakdown of communication between partners resulting in problems, for example;

  • Ignoring unmet needs.
    This involves failing to express your needs and getting them met.
  • Comparisons.
    Comparisons with the past, friends or with society. For example judging your current sex life against your early honeymoon period.
  • Mind-reading
    Making assumptions about what the other person is or isn't doing or thinking or wanting. It is very common, particularly for women, to assume that partner should know what they like.
  • Secrets and deceit.
    These are usually corrosive of the quality of sex. There is a lot of deceit about sex and when surveyed people commonly over or underplay their level of sexual activity or sexual satisfaction.

    Treatment

    My therapeutic work explores the undiscovered, unseen and unexplored areas of your relationship and helping to improve communication between couples. I work with you to improve the quality of communication thereby rebalancing your sexual relationship.

    What Next?

    If you are concerned about communication issues which may be affecting your relationship please give me a call and we can set up a meeting to explore your particular situation and how best to treat your difficulties.



  • Loss of Libido

    Definition

    The libido can be described as the drive, need, and desire for engaging sexually.

    The loss of libido is a significant issue and the second most common reason for men and women seeking help.

    Causes of loss of libido

    There are several factors that can contribute to a lack of libido including:

  • Relational issues such as lack of investment in quality time together, or resentment of some aspect of the partners behaviour sexually or otherwise.
  • Physical and health issues such as diabetes, lack of fitness or tiredness.
  • Psychological issues such as stress and anxiety
  • Contextual issues such as children or elderly relatives reducing privacy
  • Medication or level of alcohol consumption.
  • Issues surrounding having babies and rearing them.

    Treatment

    The treatment for a low or lost libido will of course depend on the underlying cause(s). The couple may need to invest in affection and improving their leisure time. Alternatively the couple may need time to improve their communication, discussing clearly and honestly what is and isn't working and understanding and respecting each other's position. Or it may require addressing some of the issues mentioned above.

    What Next?

    If you are concerned about loss of, or low libido please give me a call and we can set up a meeting to explore your particular situation and how best to treat your difficulties.



  • Sexual Addiction

    Definition

    Sexual addiction can take many forms such as;

  • Excessive use of pornography internet and other forms.
  • Affairs.
  • Use of the sex industry.
  • Use of chat rooms.

    Causes of Sexual Addiction

    The causes of sexual addiction are widely debated, but recent neurological studies combined with studies of early attachment, are strongly suggesting that like other forms of addiction, not having infant needs met in early life pre dispose one to sexual addiction.

    Early trauma, neglect or depression in early life may also be factors.

    Treatment

    The good news about sexual addiction is that it responds well to psychotherapy combined with self help activities such as mindfulness.

    Involving the partner in the treatment process and helping them to understand the nature of the problem is also very beneficial.

    What Next?

    If you are concerned about Sexual Addiction please give me a call and we can set up a meeting to explore your particular situation and how best to treat your difficulties.



  • Depression

    Definition

    Depression can cause a wide range of sexual problems, in addition to this depression and sexual issues can create a self fulfilling cycle of cause and effect.

    Most antidepressant cause a reduction in libido and often cause difficulties climaxing.

    Sexual desire and function are managed by the brain, however, with depression and other mood disorders the brain function is disrupted, which can result in a loss of libido, erectile dysfunction and other sexual difficulties.

    Treatment

    The causes and therefore treatment for depression, and its effect on sexual problems that result from it are quite distinctive to the individual involved. By working through the problems and communicating them with a therapist, it is possible to identify and therefore treat the underlying issues causing the depression. Several strategies designed to tackle depression and sexual dysfunction exist including;

  • Behavioural strategies to improve life style and sexual strategies.
  • Exploring underlying causes of the depression.
  • Managing medication.

    It is important however that these types of strategies are properly managed and should only be employed by a suitably qualified and experienced therapist and usually in conjunction with the GP or mental health professionals.

    What Next?

    If you are concerned about depression please give me a call and we can set up a meeting to explore your particular situation and how best to treat your difficulties.


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